BOOK REVIEW  

• Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief, Harriet Hodgson, BS, MA and Lois Krahn, MD
  Reviewed by Helen Fitzgerald
  
  Anticipatory or early grief is feeling the loss before it occurs. If you are anticipating the loss of a loved one or even a pet, you may find this book very helpful. If you are a hospice worker, mental health therapist, member of the clergy or member of a hospital staff, you will find a lot to work with in this book. Little has been written about early grief. Many authors include a chapter or two on it, but Harriet Hodgson and Lois Krahn have written an entire book on the topic. Included is a chapter on what the authors see as early grief in anticipation of more terrorism attacks after the bombing of the World Trade Center. However, the main focus of the book is loss associated with impending death.
  
  More people are encountering early grief today because dying or chronically ill people are being kept alive longer. The feelings of grief these people are feeling are often misunderstood, confused, and left unattended to. Smiling Through Your Tears not only explains early grief, but it is filled with healing steps that will guide readers down their own healing paths.
  
  Topics addressed include grief reactions to change within one's life, factors that shape early grief, the symptoms or stages of early grief, responses to early grief, and complications that can occur. I was particularly interested in the chapter titled "When Early Grief Gets Complicated." I don't think many of us are aware of how our family history and family relationships play a role in our grief. Just being aware of this, one will have a better idea of what to expect from other family members. Fewer surprises are likely to ensue. When there is an anticipated death in the family, the caregiver often focuses entirely on the needs of the ill or dying person, even neglecting his or her own health. The authors here give the reader permission to take care of himself or herself and suggest ways to do this.
  
  I have always believed that one could grow from personal loss but have been hesitant to say this to the many bereaved people I have worked with, fearing this might make them angry. In the last chapter, titled "How Early Grief May Help You," the authors make a good case that loss can have a positive affect on one's life and provide a better understanding of oneself.
  
  This is not a morbid book. It offers understanding, hope and even glimpses of the author's humor.
  
  
• With Open Arms - New book by Thomas Droege, PhD. He has a rare gift for integrating healthy spirituality into health care. For several reviews of this book, click here.
  
  
• Schoeneck, Therese. How to help children six and under cope with grief: An all inclusive program written for you to use to provide training and support. Syracuse: Hope for Bereaved, 2002. 315.475.9675. www.hopeforbereaved.com.
  
  Hope for Bereaved, with a strong presence in Syracuse and nationally, began as a church ministry to the bereaved. It now stands apart and does work that serves many people locally and facilitates resources and programs nationally. Contact them for information about their resources, programs and on-site possibilities. They are doing some very creative work in developing workplace grief strategies and response teams.
  
  This book is a binder of programs, information and reassurance as we attempt to do what society generally fails to do: acknowledge that children (and teens) grieve and need support. Children are naturally curious, have very profound feelings, but often express their grief in different ways and in isolation from the mainstream of family, church (or religious community) and other standards for care that ought to be available to them.
  
  As a resource this one is outstanding. You can glean the basics for some minimal programs to lend care and support (even if just in the times of crisis) and also (often working collaboratively with other parishes or agencies/schools) develop a decisive presence of bereavement care for children and the adults who surround them.
  
  
• Smith, Harold Ivan. Grieving the death of a mother. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 2003. www.augsburgbooks.com.
  
  The death of a parent is significant. While mothers and fathers mean different things to their children for different reasons and around different venues and responsibilities, the bonding of child to mother (even if the child is 60 years old!) is a remarkable one that is often misunderstood and therefore denied its full needs in grieve. Smith is a brilliant storyteller, researcher and font of information. This book will serve well for individual study, in groups, and as an affordable gift item.
  
  
• Ratliff, Madonna. A world on its knees; Honest prayers in uncertain times. Boston: Pauline Publishing, 2001.
  
  As ministers in various forms or roles, we are commonly very good about facilitating the spiritual needs and hungers in others, but all too frequently without the same care directed to ourselves. Ratliff offers a book and CD around prayers and issues that focus on the world and personal concerns that find us stumbling and lost. Some perspectives may differ from yours, but the need to address these concerns and what they mean to us, giving it all over to God, is crucial. The book and CD rip across and through today's headlines and "heart-scars" to touch the center of our being through faith and prayer.
  
  
• Collins, Gregory & Culbertson, Thomas. Mental illness and psychiatric treatment; A guide for pastoral counselors. Binghamton: Haworth Pastoral Press, 2003.
  
  The number one health concern in America is heart disease. This is a measurement based on volume and cost. The second is mental health. The numbers, complexities and lives affected (including the wide circle of the rippling through family, friends and community) with mental illness is staggering, and it growing at a time when government and insurance resources are being slashed. It is becoming a pressing need for clergy in terms of demands on their time and schedule, and quickly can leave many pastoral caregivers overwhelmed, drained, in need of skills development and, at times, at risk in terms of their personal safety.
  
  To provide pastoral care in the psychiatric/mental health setting has its challenges. When ministers "do" rather than "be", it is even harder. There are no magic tricks or formula (and there never should be) in mental health, and the challenges accompanying presence are very real. Work with the mentally ill and others dealing with severe depression can disrupt our comfort levels and occasionally travel too close to our own stories. It is also complicated by the fact that many mental health practitioners are suspicious of clergy and other religious leaders/workers and clearly have not dealt with their own spiritual assessment and care.
  
  
• Miller, James. A pilgrimage through grief; Healing the soul's hurt after loss. Fort Wayne: Willowgreen, 2003.
  
  Few people combine so many intriguing skills with a spiritual centeredness and compassion as does Jim Miller. You should contact him at www.willowgreen.com and request a catalog. His books and videos are outstanding. He brings together the skills of a pastoral counselor, pastor, preacher, speaker and photographer, with rare skills as a wordsmith, that will make you want to explore the many resources that they can offer you.
  
  A pilgrimage through grief is offered here as a new and revised edition. The photography is stunning, the text is grabbing (with deep awareness of the spiritual interplay of grief and faith) and the book becomes a story, workbook and friend to the bereaved. You can't go wrong with this book. It would be an outstanding sermon series, a tool for individual counseling, a study guide for groups, and a very wise choice as a gift for individual grievers.
  
  
• Pierce, Gregory (Ed.). Hidden presence; Twelve blessings that transformed sorrow or loss. Chicago: ACTA, 2003.
  
  This brand new book is handsomely prepared, including wrapped in a gift ribbon, as an affirmation of the seriousness and depths that accompany the journey through loss and the longing for a spiritual centeredness and refreshment on that journey. Because often the bereaved alone understand the interplay of passion and pain that comes with the mix of spirituality and sorrow, and the accompanying struggles to bring this to our religious leaders (sometimes it is our shame; for others it is the accurate or inaccurate messages they receive suggesting that their religious leaders are not available around these issues) this book's collections of essays (stories) will be a wonderful, wise and sensitive friend. A fine gift item.
  
  The Rev'd. Richard B. Gilbert, BCC, D.Min., Ph.D.
  847.429.2110
  dick.gilbert@shermanhospital.org
  
  
• The Aging America Resource Guide
  Book Review - by Charles Puchta
  
  A Caregivers Lifeline
  
  Caregiving is one of the most challenging, frustrating, and yet most rewarding roles a person will ever face. It is estimated that by 2005, ½ of all families will be caring for an older family member or friend. As people age there is an increased potential of illness, disability and increased dependency on family members. It is that dependency or caregiving that is the focus of The Aging America Resource Guide. Everyone who serves as a caregiver, whether spouse or child, says the same thing. "If I were better informed and prepared, I would have done things differently." Well hind-sight is 20/20. Having seen first hand the devastation that the illness and death of his parents had on his life, Puchta dedicated his life to helping others cope and care for aging loved ones.
  
  Puchta founded Aging America Resources and wrote The Aging America Resource Guide to help families understand and address the issues they are likely to face as loved ones age. His research quickly pointed out that people tend to focus on the specific issue at hand in isolation. People rarely gave consideration to issues they were likely to encounter down the road and as a result were often blindsided by seemingly unrelated issues. That discovery led Aging America Resources to develop their unique big picture, or puzzle piece, approach to put information into context.
  
  To help people realize the issues, Aging America Resources focuses on four puzzle pieces: Lifestyle, Emotional, Administrative and Memorial. The four puzzle pieces together help people visually and appreciate how everything is interrelated. It is this innovative approach that helps people understand aging and caregiving issues. Throughout the books, readers gain perspective and tools to help them understand the issues, options and most importantly, how to apply the information to each family's unique situation. By helping people understand the interrelationship of different caregiving issues, families are better able to make informed decisions that benefit all concerned.
  
  In addition to many pertinent exercises throughout the book, Puchta has included a quick check list to help people determine when it might be appropriate for them to take a more active role in a loved one's life. These considerations were the basis of a November 17, 2002 article in The Wall Street Journal Sunday. "Are Mom and Dad OK?…here's some help to figure our whether your folks are all right on their own. Author and aging expert Charles Puchta…has developed a quiz to help adult children play detective, so they can figure out if it's time to offer their parents some help…"
  
  When Puchta set out to write this Guide, he set a few requirements. First, the Guide could be no longer than 200 pages. His research said that caregivers simply would not read anything longer. Second, everything had to be presented in a simple, easy to read, easy to understand and apply format. And Third, it had to be based on proven adult learning methods.
  
  The book does just that. "I found this guide to be outstanding in its content, manner of presentation and readability." Chicago Caregiver Magazine - March 2003 Reviewed by Nancy L. Judd, Gerontologist, Director of Social Services, Palatine (IL) Township Senior Center. The Aging America Resource Guide also won the 2003 Caregiver Friendly Award from Today's Caregiver Magazine.
  
  The Aging America Resource Guide is concise and encompasses the primary situations families tend to face in caring for a loved one. The book takes a practical approach to helping families understand and apply the information in non-threatening ways. The preemptive approach of the book can help families avoid many of the crisis situations that are likely to arise.
  
  The chapters of the book cover lifestyle considerations and living arrangement options. In addition to suggesting pro's and cons of each alternative, Puchta raises the questions people need to consider to determine the best solution and the implications of making a bad decision.
  
  Puchta also simplifies the confusing government programs including Social Security, Medicare and clarifies alternative programs such as Medicare HMO's. The book also addresses the importance of families having "The Talk" in order to understand and be in a position to carry out a loved ones wishes. He also addresses creating memories, memorializing a person's life, end-of-life issues, grieving, and more. Throughout the book, Puchta tackles the difficult subjects, shares the critical aspects people need to know and provides practical solutions. That's what makes this Guide so useful. The Guide also shares a comprehensive list of terms and resources that people will certainly find helpful.
  
  For people interested in understanding and applying biblically based principles to their caregiving experience, Puchta's second book entitled Biblical Caregiving Principles is a wonderful complement. This book takes the spiritual approach making reference and expounding on scripture. With so many people turning to their churches, pastoral care staff and faith community nurses for assistance and direction, these books provide the critical encouragement and empower the reader.
  
  Aging America Resources also offers an Elderly Care Kit which includes both Books; an audio CD featuring a thought-provoking and informative one hour talk on Aging and Caregiving; and a Caregiving Considerations Educational Series of single page documents covering topics including: "When Should I Get Involved?", "Medical Diagnosis vs. Prognosis", "Transportation Concerns", "Activities of Daily Living", and more. The Elderly Care Kit is great for self-paced study and application by people taking on the caregiver role. It's a great tool for Faith Community Nurses and Care Ministries to make available to their congregations.
  
  For additional information on Aging America Resources or to order the book(s) or Elderly Care Kit, visit them on the web at www.CareMinistry.com or contact them by phone at 513-697-9696.